Resilience

The title of this post is,‘Resilience’. Standing back up and brushing yourself off. We all do it. But I think often about women’s roles in that resilience. What are women’s roles in our society’s resilience?  This post is certainly not meant to imply that men do not do these things. They certainly do. I don’t mean to imply one even has to BE simply a man or woman. But I’m a woman. And I’m raising a woman. So I’ll write my perspective.

It’s my daughter’s 12th birthday today. That’s a big birthday in the life of a young girl. It amazes me that it’s been 12 whole years since she was born. She’s had a pretty difficult year this past year. A lot of changes, a lot of stress, a lot of tears. She’s climbed a mountain, this young girl, and it has not been easy. This birthday was supposed to be a celebration of the light at the end of the tunnel. The climb to the top of the mountain and the exciting look back down at how far you’ve come.  Of course, that big sleepover and party we had planned…that can’t happen. So what do you do to celebrate when you’re in quarantine? How are you resilient? I don’t know…but here’s what I did. Because what do you do? You make the best of what you’ve been given.

I ordered a bunch of fun decorations and stuff online. A beautiful Happy Birthday sign, a shimmering pink and gold curtain to hang in her doorway, straws that say 12 on them! A pair of Happy Birthday socks.. She’s still got online school starting at 8:30am and she likes to shower and have breakfast. So I woke up EARLY. I decorated the house, I hung the curtain outside her door. I put a candle in a stack of homemade pancakes and I sang her Happy Birthday.

A couple days ago, she told me she didn’t really want to celebrate her birthday. Couldn’t have a party, stuck at home, it just felt too depressing to her. I don’t blame her. But, she was thrilled, my sweet tween. My heart felt full as I heard her gasp when she (finally!) emerged showered, dressed and primped and saw the signs.

Later this afternoon, after school is finished for the day, I’m surprising her with a group of her friends on a Zoom meeting wishing her happy birthday and chatting all together. It’s not what we wanted, but this isn’t what any of us wanted, is it? We women, we don’t just multitask. We ‘make do’. We’re the queens of making do. I think of a show I did, waaaayyy back in high school, called Quilters, by Molly Newman and Barbara Damashek. A play with music, about the expansion of our country, the perseverance and fortitude of the women they call pioneers.

“You can’t always change things. Sometimes you don’t have no control over the way things go. Hail ruins the crops, or the fire burns you out. And then you’re just given so much to work with in a life. And you got to do the best you can with what you got.”

So we do. The best we can. And when this passes, as it will, as all things do, those resilient women will roll up their sleeves and say, “Ok girls, Let’s get to it!” We’ll clean up the mess that’s left. We’ll make do.

So, in honor of the resilient young woman I’m raising, and all you who are resilient; here’s her favorite.

Mac and Cheese:

Pasta (I like fusilli, cavatappi, or macaroni, but any short shape will do)

2C grated medium cheddar

2C grated sharp cheddar

2C either Gruyere or Beecher’s cheese

½ C. crumbled bacon (optional)

½ to 1 C. homemade bread crumbs

1 tbl. Butter

1 tbl. AP flour

1 C. warmed milk

2 tsps. Garlic Powder (separated)

Salt and Pepper to taste

1 box of pasta = 4-6 servings (you can stretch it by serving it with a hearty green salad)

Bread Crumbs:

Toast a piece of bread well (I like 12 grain because it gives more toasty flavor, but anything will do) crumble cooled toasted bread into fine pieces and season with salt, pepper and garlic powder. Combine with leftover cheese.

Cook pasta in a large pot of boiling water until almost done, but not quite. Drain and DO NOT RINSE. Meanwhile, in a heavy bottomed pot or ceramic dutch oven, melt butter. Add flour and whisk until paste looks golden. Watch it! Turn heat to low. Slowly whisk in warm milk and simmer (don’t boil) until slightly thickened.  Season with salt, pepper and garlic powder. Add cheese slowly until melted. This is the time to add crumbled bacon, if using.  Combine the pasta and the sauce and mix well. Pour into a casserole dish and top with bread crumb mixture. Bake at 350 until bubbly and golden on top.

And sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY at the top of your lungs!